For the quick, random thoughts that can somehow find their way to this spot.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

For the sake of (Quips 3)

I spent part of my day watching Twilight on FX .  I still can’t get over how bad the acting is.  Maybe I’m just being overly critical because I loved the books, and consequently expected so much for the movie version of the story.  I just think the movie version could have been better, that’s all.  Better acting, better interpretation of the story.  I cringe everytime I see movie Bella tell movie Edward romantic love lines and vice versa.  I guess the problem is that I don’t believe them.  Or I envisioned the lines being told so differently.  And yet I’ll watch these movies, because I do like the story.  I like supporting the franchise.  I appreciate the movie efforts, even if it doesn’t meet personal expectations.  I’ll buy them all in DVD just for the sake of buying them all in DVD format.  I guess my love for the story is greater than wanting to watch a quality movie.  At least I think The Hunger Games first movie rates higher than the first Twilight movie, but my complaint is still the same.  I'd rather read the book.  I shouldn't be blue.  Isn't that usually the case?  The book is always better than the movie?  For Twilight and The Hunger Games, I say yes.

Okay, I'll go through my stuff ONE MORE TIME.  And I'll try something new while I'm at it.  It may change my perception of how (or why) I'm attached to certain stuff.  I'm going to take an inventory of everything I have, write it all down. And I hope it doesn't take more than a day. Sometimes things look differently on paper.  So, this may be painful, but it may be worth the effort.  I think it'll be a true test to just how much I want ALL the stuff that I have.  I have a feeling it'll be a real eye-opener.

Note to self: after I move and get settled in my new place, please go back to eating better!  Why don't I do it now?  Because I'm a mess, and I just want to eat emotionally when I'm stressed.  But, I swear, once I'm more settled, I'm going back to 1% low-fat chocolate milk, granola cereal with almond milk, and veggie burger patties with egg whites.  I miss my healthier food choices.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Just Human

Okay, so giving up some of my stuff has proven harder than expected.  I spent eight hours of my day going through EVERYTHING, and could only get rid of 1/6 of my crap.   Well, I’ve moved four times in the last fourteen months, so it’s not the first time in a long time I’ve gone through everything.  I’ve already given up many things.  Especially books and clothes, next to all the random stuff I have no use for anymore.  But it still doesn’t seem good enough.  I guess I could go through my stuff again and rethink everything, but I feel I’m at a loss here.  I really don’t know what else I can give up.  There’s a good amount of stuff I won’t give up, just because I don’t want to buy it all over again. That would be silly, right?  Doesn’t seem very economical.  But what if it still adds up to a lot of stuff?  Very confused.  I have to think this through…  Yup, I’m still human.  It’s hard to let go of stuff!  Damn!  I really don’t know what to do.  How can cleaning up be so complicated?   I hate this.  Anything that gives me a headache I’m not fond of.  I’m going to be fretting about this ‘til the day I move.  It really is too bad I’m not a monk or nomad.

Meanwhile, while I loathe my own materialism, isn't this an awesome commercial?  I smile everytime I see it.

I got to find out what song that is...

Monday, October 22, 2012

Quips 2

I’m not sure if I’m known more for my patience or my temper.  I’m not the kind of person who intentionally looks for conflict with other people.  When someone gives me lip, and I’m thinking it’s unnecessary or uncalled for, I’m glad there’s an adult version of me somewhere in my head looking beyond the words and attempting to see the bigger picture.  I can’t say I’ve always been cool and collect, but I like to think my adult version’s successes outweigh the failures (I’m not one to keep count.).  I’m only human after all.

It’s time to go through ALL of my stuff and really let go of at least half of what I own.  And that’s not including furniture.  I mean, I already gave up a mattress, bed frame, and couch.  And I just traded a big flat screen for a smaller flat screen with my sis.  My bigger problem really is all the other crap I have.  For the sake of making a big move easier for everyone involved, it’s time to get down and dirty with, uh, winter cleaning (it’s nearly winter).  It reminds of why a show about aggressive hoarders is so popular.  I’d never want to be like that, and it’s too easy to judge others who are worse than me.  But I know I can relate.  I know the feeling of getting emotionally attached to material things.  Material things can have sentimental value.  With all these material things surrounding me, it’s easy to lose focus on what really matters.  I don’t know if I can live without ANY material belongings.  I guess it’s just the human in me.  But to know one’s limits, and to not have more than what one can handle, that’s truly powerful.  It’s about keeping focus on what really matters.  That’s powerful.  And what matters?  Knowing the difference between what you need, and what you want.  Sometimes, things fall in between that.  But I guess that’s when we find out just how well we know ourselves.  Only someone who really knows his/herself will really know what he/she needs.  It’s not the same for everyone.  Every one has different needs.  But you got to know yourself to know what those needs are.  No one can really tell me what I need, or who I am.  I’m open to opinions, but I get the last say.  Sometimes, I forget that too.

And just for kicks, the song of the summer.  Southern California skipped fall this year, but I finally see a change in the weather.  And this song's officially old.  But it'll always be the song of 2012.  

Sunday, October 21, 2012


It’s been a while since my last post.  And admittedly a good couple of things have happened to me since then that I could have written about.  It’s been a combination of laziness, lack of confidence in my writing skills, trying to find a new direction for this blog, and simply writer's block.   Right now, I’m eating an Oscar Mayer Lunchables pack (bologna and American cheese with cookies).  My sister is quick to point out how unhealthy my lunch is.  She says my food has preservatives.  She’s changed her view on food, which I’m really proud of her for.  I used to give her these same kind of quips when I was still living with her.  What happened to my view on food?  I don't think it's changed that much.  But it appears that I've been less consistent with the ideas that I used to preach.  I didn't fight my sister on it.  I just told her that she was right about my lunchables.  Many things have been happening and changing since my last post.  But I won’t really get into that now.

Right now, I’m crashing at my sister’s place for a few weeks.  And while I am, she insists I start writing again.  I guess it’s funny that she’s the one that can finally get me to do this.  That my own brain is not enough to keep me on track.  I mean, I’ve been thinking about it, but you know, one or all of the things I listed above happen in my brain everytime I do think of it.  And the idea of writing stays as a thought. It’s a Sunday afternoon, and I’m just waiting for Homeland and Dexter to come on tonight.  

I won’t be living in Los Angeles for long.  I’m not moving too far, like out of state, or in another country.   It’s a move that’s very necessary for me right now.  But I will miss L.A.  I was born and raised here, and have gotten to know the metro public transportation system pretty well.  But in this life, we can’t always stick with familiarity.  When the time comes, life is calling for a life change.  But I’ll miss all the museums I like to visit (LACMA, Getty, Natural History Museum, La Brea Tar Pits/ Page Museum), all the stores, malls, libraries, movie theatres, areas I frequent just because I’m familiar to it, and they’re easy to get to by bus.  Heck, I’ll miss just riding the Metro rail.  I LIKE it.   Like I said, born and raised a city gal.  And where I’m going to is not TOO city, but in a good way.  It’ll be a good change for me, and I embrace it with open arms.

Thanks to the latest Apple commercial, I YouTubed an artist earlier today that's new to my music repertoire. I always enjoy discovering music and artists that I like enough to buy.  One of those simple pleasures in life that never gets old.  

Willy Moon - Yeah Yeah

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Dental Woes

For the second time, I cried in a dentist's office.  First time, I just thought that was some one-time freak incident that I just couldn't get control over.  Second time around, I have to suspect a pattern here.  Well, one thing's for sure, it's embarrassing no matter how many times it happens.  Poor doc.  He thinks he did something wrong.  I have a hyperventilating cry when I'm all stressed out.  The dentist kept asking me "What's wrong?  Did I hurt you in some way?  Are you in pain?"  I didn't answer back because I couldn't control my hyperventilating crying fast enough.  And once I start crying like that, well, it's pretty hard to stop.  I have to let the crying pass on it's own.  All the while, my dentist and dental assistant are giving me awkward and worried looks.  

I don't know.  I couldn't help it.  I came in with high hopes that one and a half weeks of chewing food on the good side of my mouth was finally over, and that I'd leave my dentist's office that day being able to eat like a normal person again.  They tried pushing it in there, but it just wasn't happening.  The custom-made crown I was waiting for for two weeks didn't fit, and they told me they had to make another impression of the sore side of my jaw to get it redone.  Total disappointment.  This day just wasn't mine.  I started thinking of all the frustration I've gone through thus far that revolved on just my teeth alone.  The problems I had since I was a kid.  The fact that my parents never took me and my sister to regular check-ups at the dentist when we were kids.  That one night, during college, that I couldn't sleep and was crying in pain because of this massive headache I had due to a horrible toothache.  The financial pain that I had to submit to as a young adult just to get dental work started and to get those fillings and crowns (not counting the one I'm still waitng for, I have four crowns.)  The fact that it's hard to find and get some decent dental insurance in this country.  A wave of instant emotion rang in my head.  I've done it twice now.  I started crying in the dentist's chair.  I've repressed these feelings for so long, I didn't want to recognize them.  I started thinking to myself, "Why are you crying?  What's wrong with you?  Don't embarrass yourself!"  But once I got started, I couldn't hold back anymore.  The dentist and dental assistant working on me were really nice too, and now I feel bad for making them feel bad.  Like its their fault that I couldn't control my emotions and keep a poker face on the dentist's chair.  Guilt and embarrassment is added to my already existing grief of having to wait two more weeks for my new crown.

When I do get the crown two weeks from now, I know I have to be more diligent than ever to take care of my dental hygiene.  I thought I was doing that before, but it obviously wasn't good enough.  So that's a siren going off in my head.  I don't want to go through this anymore.  I'm just so extremely tired of all the dental work, all the money it takes to make this stuff happen.  I'm just so very tired of it all.  And I still want braces.  Funny thing about braces, my teeth have to be in tip-top shape before getting to that hurdle.  My dental woes have always been my headache and my heartache.  It could very well be worse than my stuttering.  Maybe worse than the cyst in my ovary that I also had to wait for years until I became a young adult with a job to finally take care of.  Well, on second thought, that cyst was a pretty bad situation too.  Maybe my dental woes are not as bad as the ovarian cyst.  But still, dental woes, health woes.  Sometimes it seems like they will never go away.  I was wishing on the dental chair for the world to just give me a break already.  I'm so tired of this shit.  I just want to chew food like a normal person.  And the idea of waiting two more weeks for a crown just fills me up with emotion that I can't hold back for the sake of saving face.  

That was yesterday.  I'm getting over it.  I have a temporary crown set in, and I have to be real conscious everytime I eat for the next two weeks to not disturb that side of my mouth because I don't want that temporary crown to come out (again) while I'm waiting for all this to be over.  Stupid temporary cement.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Receiving Opportunity

And just like that, things are turning around.  If there is anything great about life right now, it's how fast change can happen.  The choices, the decisions people make, that evidently effect other people's lives.  There was a time that worked against me.  Now it's working for me.  I guess the universe is somehow paying me back.  That's perhaps one way of seeing things.

So much to do this month.  Now it's all coming at once.  It's all coming together.  It's time to show what I can do.  No hestitation.  I'll just keep going.  An opportunity has fallen into my lap, and I'm not about to waste it.  I'm going to do all that I can to earn this.

For me, nothing is better than family.  At a time in my life when I am most at need, family has become my greatest asset.  Or perhaps they always have been.  It just wasn't as obvious to me as it is now.  As it has been for the past couple months.  Probably one of the toughest transitions I've had to live through in my life, my family has been nothing but supportive.  And I am so extremely grateful that, despite whatever God can't give me, He at least gave me them.  They are the constant reminder in my life that I am still blessed.

I look forward to living this new chapter in my life, and to continue writing about it.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Sounding Off

Internet articles.  I have to ask myself why I bother reading them sometimes.  Some of them really aren't worth the time it takes to read them.  And then, there are those with topics I think are worth talking about.  However, some people have a way of twisting perspective.  The comments that some people leave behind.  Oh my, the comments.  Sometimes that's the tougher read.

Now, I usually wouldn't bother posting a comment of my own.  But sometimes I think, "Why not?  I can think of a thing or two to say."  Or I'll respond to someone else's comment.  If there is any mistake I can make at this moment, it's getting too emotionally invested into this pseudo-conversation.  Not to mention the number of "likes" and "dislikes" at the side of each comment.

In a short span of time, I may have gotten too caught up in two separate articles.  Each were posted on different days, but within the same week.  One article was about a popular fast food chain releasing (then quickly removing) an ad that discriminated against pit bulls.  The other article was about how the Republican presidential candidates are essentially ignoring the Iranian-American population during campaigning.  If I had more self-control, I wouldn't have bothered with the ignorance of some comments.  Comments made by people who don't care about facts, and only cater to their own fears.  But I can get very passionate when I'm motivated.  I couldn't resist responding to some comments, and "like"ing or "dislike"ing some other comments.  Some things I just couldn't let go.  But I guess that's me.  

It's not as if a lot of people read the comments/responses to articles.  What gets to me though, is the fact that it's out there for anybody to see.  That bothers me.  Yet, I have to let it go.  If I had any chance in changing the world, or just part of the population in this country, it likely wouldn't be through the "Comments" section of some article on the internet.  But still, it makes me feel better, knowing that I said something.